Well, it looks like I won’t have to worry about rushing the kids to C’s soccer practice before karate on Thursdays. His mom decided that she’s pulling him out.
After four seasons of sharing the responsibilities of taking him to practice and games—and actually being the one to have introduced him to the sport to begin with—she’s decided that they would do something else fun as a family on her days.
The problem started with W and me assuming that since C’s been in soccer for this long, and has always said he wants to keep playing soccer, there was no question about signing him up again for this season. Apparently, the mother had her own ideas. So, upset that he didn’t call to confirm that it was okay with her (since they share custody pretty evenly, practices and games always fall on both parents’ days) to sign him up for this season, she told W that she didn’t think her schedule would work with soccer this time. W then of course assured her that anytime she needed help in getting C to either practices or games, we would gladly help. At one point she seemed to be on board, and even volunteered to buy him the cleats this time.
Then the day of the first practice came. She showed up (on W’s day with the kids, but whatever), we made small talk and everything seemed to be going fine until the coach got there. He passed out a roster that he himself created from the list of kids’ applications he was given. Since W was the one to have filled out the application, his name was first on the information sheet. So, the roster contained our names and address and W’s phone number. But not the bio mom’s. Here is where I need to add the ironic (even if it’s not technically ironic) part about how I volunteered to be team mom so we could for once not have the problems that go along with two households and someone who doesn’t understand what “two households” means. I was planning on making sure both sets of parents received copies of the schedule, both had to participate in bringing snack, both had to contribute money toward the end of the season party, and both got to bring home a soccer “trophy” at the end of the season. Basically, I wanted to avoid problems like this roster snafu and any communication problems that past team moms have had in distinguishing between our two households. So, of course once she saw that she was not on the roster, she angrily announced it to everyone as if it had been a deliberate attack on her personally. Strike one.
The other problem came with the fact that the coach said since the teams were still being formed, the practices were being moved around. Ours had been changed to where the second one in the week would also fall on her day. Several parents (including the coach) complained about this, and he said he would try to do what he could to find us a place we could all agree on where we could hold the practices on the days originally scheduled.
However, this came after the bio mom had already approached me about how inappropriate it was for me to be the team mom, especially since practices would now be on her days. And by the way, W should have never signed him up for this in the first place without calling her, and so she’s just going to pull him out. I questioned why she thinks C should not get to play just because she decided her schedule wouldn’t fit it in if we both offered to get him there whenever she needed. But she was too wrapped up in being angry to have anything to say other than she was pulling him out.
Over the next day, there was e-mail communication between all parties (I asked her if she would let him play if I stepped down as team mom) that was basically one side pleading for her to reconsider and think about her son and not only his love for the game, but the benefits of playing a team sport with his peers, and the other side being stubbornly selfish.
She apparently explained to the kids that he can’t be in soccer this season because she is so busy with her school schedule. And I’m sure less of an explanation would make it okay coming from mom. But to an adult, the explanation of not having the time to take him to practice but being unwilling to let us take him to practice doesn’t seem to add up. If he is with her the whole time on her days, why can’t she find some time to drive him over to watch him participate in something he really enjoys? And if she’s too busy to do that, then where are the kids going to be on her days during the times that she’s too busy for soccer?
I also have to add here that in past seasons she came to every practice the kids had on our days, without finding that “inappropriate” in any way.
Ok, so this is one small frustrating example of how difficult it is to deal with volatile people who only see things through their own twisted perspective and refuse to listen to reason. And there are so many more. But this one, I think, is the most telling about her character, and her self-proclaimed status as a good mom. All she sees is herself. And when someone tries to point out the flaw in that stance, she twists it around until she can back up her view. I just think it’s sad when a mother decides her feelings are more important than her child.
